


Useless

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar



Category: Naruto
Genre: :'3, Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, He didn't know how bad he was though, Hurt/Comfort, Kakashi Gaiden, Kakashi Needs a Hug, Minato is concerned, Minato just wants to hug Kakashi forever, OMG save this angst smol child, Obito is kind of a dick, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, So Minato gives him one :3, So don't hate the lil uchiha, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, kakashi whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 19:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16225424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFliesInBlueSugar/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: Young Kakashi can't cope anymore. Not on his own.





	Useless

Kakashi wears arm guards. Cloth and metal. They protect against weapons and the metal is nonconductive, thus lightning jutsu wouldn't be able to harm his arms. This is, of course, incredibly useful. His arms are necessary (of course) to perform jutsu. 

They also hide what he does to himself. He isn't really sure anymore which of these results are the main reason he wears the arm covers. 

He sat alone in his room, staring blankly at the cuts on his arms, arm guards lying on the ground beside him. There was something so incomprehensible about self mutilation. You could be so calm doing it and be so nervous about others seeing it, but could stare at it in fascination for hours on end. It's not like self-harm was even particularly interesting to him. There was just something inherently natural about staring at the marks.

Reminding himself why he made them, perhaps? 

Ha. He didn't need to do that. He could list it all off easily without breaking a sweat.

His father commited suicide. The village hated him due to his father. He was too worthless and weak to stop any of this. He wasn't strong or smart enough.

He trained day in and day out until his body screamed for rest and the level of sweat sheening on his skin was obscene, and though he knew he well exceeded his boundaries and even most of his peers, he still felt weak.

11 years old and a chunin. Wow. How thrilling. Too bad all that ranking couldn't stop his father from shoving a fucking tanto through his abdomen.

He growled at the thought, biting into his hand before throwing his head back into the wall behind him. The stunning pain made him reel for a moment before choking back an automatic sound he hated for sounding suspiciously like a sob. 

Worthless.

He pulled a kunai from his pouch and positioned it just below the last in the rows.

He closed his eyes and slashed.

Worthless.

And again.

Again-

Shit. He cut across the previous one.

He growled in frustration at the obscene amount of blood oozing from his arm, the blood from the first cut merging with the other two to form a shapeless red blob on his arm that was beginning to fall off into darker drops from his arm.

He stumbled into the bathroom, despising himself for not learning medical ninjutsu, before carefully disinfecting the wound, not even wincing at the sharp stabs of pain this caused him to experience.

He calmly wrapped his arm in tight bandages, and couldn't help but collapse onto his bed when he returned to his room.

\---

He awoke groggily to the sun beaming down on his face and his alarm ringing to high hell. Slapping the damned thing so it turned off, he frowned as he noticed the time. 5:34 am. Training was 6:05 am. If he didn't hurry he wouldn't be on time.

He pulled the arm guard over the new bandages, ignoring how painfully the bandaging cloth now rubbed against his skin beneath the new pressure, before hurridly brushing his hair and throwing his dirty clothing in the laundry basket and darting from his window.

Maybe he should have eaten before going.

Well.

Not eating... He felt stupid for admitting it, but.. it gave him this sick feeling of empowerment. Maybe that wasn't the right word. Just... Control.

Physical pain was all that he could truly control anymore.

He arrived 5 minutes early, running on a slight burst of adrenalin. Minato was the only one there. The two were always early. Rin was usually spot on on time and Obito was... Late.

So he, as per usual, decided to train. 

Minato watched him with faint pride covered by a blank expression as he flung his kunai at the targets before him. First one was a simple, normal throw. The next was with his eyes closed. Then turned around. Then jumping. And so on.

His arm stung harshly at the pulling strain he was exerting on it, and he gasped sharply, cradling it to his chest. Minato's eyes widened and he jumped down from where he sat on a tree branch. "Kakashi, are you alright?"

"I'm... Fine" he managed, trying to ignore how roughly his bandages rubbed against the now re-opened cuts. His teacher looked less than convinced but was fortunately distracted by the arrival of Rin.

Then Obito came, and Kakashi told himself that Minato forgot, though the concerned glances he got every half hour or so challenged that delusion.

Obito seemed to notice something was awry too. "What the hell, Bakakashi, are you holding back?" he complained after a short spar. "You like.. Barely did any jutsu or hand-to-hand! You just kicked me and punched me like... Twice!"

Kakashi blinked. "You want me to beat you up more? I am happy to oblige, but.."

"Aw, shut up!" his teammate growled. "God, you're so annoying! I don't know how Minato can ever stand you!"

Kakashi couldn't deny that his words stung slightly. He began to scratch at the skin of his hand. "Aa, well, not all of us can be rule-less crybabies like you" he said airily. Obito's face went bright red.

"And not all of us can be selfish machines like you! I bet you'd kill your family with a straight face!" he shouted. Kakashi paused.

"I didn't kill him"

It slipped out before he could stop it. Obito looked confused before shock settled in. "W-wait, you DID kill your family?! The hell kind of monster are you?!"

"Obito-" Minato tried to cut in, looking surprised at how quickly the situation had escalated, but Kakashi had already fled.

.

.

.

Minato found him sat atop a tall tree near the outskirts, arm guard and bandages off of his left arm, cuts freely bleeding as he stared out at the sun gradually lowering from the sky. He sucked in a harsh breath before dropping in next to his student in a muted golden flash.

Kakashi didn't flinch or look surprised, but did draw his arm to his chest, as if that would erase Minato's memory. The blonde sighed slightly, placing his hand on Kakashi's head and ruffling it gently.

"Obito didn't know" he said softly, before his tone hardened. "And you didn't kill Sakumo. It was not your fault and you couldn't have done anything"

Kakashi shook his head silently and Minato grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact. "Kakashi, please. You were 5. There was nothing you could have done. You're not a monster and you certainly aren't useless, like.." he drew Kakashi's arm up to the word he had carved into it. ".. You seem to think you are. You're incredibly strong, in maturity and mentally and physically, and there is no one on this planet i could be more proud of"

Kakashi looked shocked for a moment before his face twisted and he began to silently cry, even as he berated himself under his breath for doing so, resting his head on his sensei's chest and fisting into his shirt, clutching the fabric like it was the only thing keeping him upright.

They stayed there until the sun set.


End file.
